Chapter Thirteen - Lights Out

The toilets were dank and dingy, the cold feeling of the tiles on my bare feet making me shiver all over. I flicked off my headlamp as I approached, spying a murky yellow light illuminating the wall above the furthest stall - the extractor fan humming softly through the echoey chamber. My nose wrinkled at the pungent smell, and I briefly considered going back for my shoes, but a tug in my bladder dissuaded me; propelling me forward towards the second-to-last stall.

Flipping up the seat, I turned around and pulled my cuddly blue fleece pajama bottoms down to my ankles - the feel of the chilly air stinging my bare thighs. I frowned, once again glimpsing the infantile image of the fuzzy ducklings parading across my pull up, but I tugged those down too and shuffled backwards to perch awkwardly atop the toilet. I was too little for my feet to reach the ground, so instead I swung my legs casually back and forth - the absorbent underwear clinging to my lower leg making me feel every bit a baby. I didn’t regret making Laurie feel better, but the quasi-diaper was really starting to get to me. I was eleven years old! What kind of eleven-year-old wore pull-ups? I would have felt a little better if I was confident that they were strictly bedwetting pants, but I was pretty sure these were the same type made for potty training toddlers! It was downright humiliating!

Figuring that Laurie would be none the wiser, I was just wondering if I should rip them off and throw them in the trash, when I heard an unexpected sound from the stall next door. I gave a start of fright, the tiny tinkling of a stream of pee on ceramic accompanying the release of my bladder, but I soon recovered - identifying the noise as the pitiful sniffling sobs of a crying boy! Indisposed, I stayed glued to the toilet seat as I peered down through the gap at the bottom of the stall, seeing a familiar pair of worn out brown sneakers.

“Hello?” I asked hesitantly, knocking softly on the divider “Are you okay in there?”

“Huh?” the boy replied, letting out a few more sniffs before he managed to compose himself.

“Yeah - I’m good! Just…nothing!”

“Zach?” I asked. “Are you crying?”

“N…no!” Zach shouted back, a little more hostile. “Cooper?”

“Yeah.” I confirmed. “It’s okay if you were…”

“I wasn’t crying!” he insisted angrily, his voice echoing around the ceramic tiles. I didn’t really know what to say - just letting the silence hang for a moment - before I heard Zach’s voice again, more curious than outraged this time “Are you…wearing a pull up?”

I let out a horrified squeak at the accusation. If I could see Zach’s shoes, then of course he could just as easily see my bare feet - and the pull up nestled around my ankles! I wanted desperately to pull them up again, but I hadn’t quite finished peeing, instead simply grunting in frustration as I willed my bladder to empty out faster. After what seemed like an age, I was done - jumping to my feet and tugging up both pull ups and pajama bottoms in one hurried motion. I hadn’t had time to shake, and a little wetness escaped onto the absorbent front, making me shiver in embarrassment.

“Coop?” Zach insisted.

Now it was my turn to issue a frenzied denial. “No! I’m not!” I squeaked, hands shaking as I unlocked the stall and stumbled out into the bathroom proper - planning to sprint right back to the cabin.

Zach was already there however, standing sentinel below the flickering yellow light. I looked up at him, mortified, but he looked just as shaken as I was - his usual sullen expression deepened to a terror-struck glower and his eyes still glistening with tears. “It’s okay if you are.” he echoed, extending a single shaking finger forward to indicate where the waistband of my pull up was sticking obviously out the top of my pajamas.

I gulped, deflating. “Yeah…” I confessed - it wasn’t like I could deny it any longer. “I am…”

He nodded understandingly. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone. But like…don’t tell anyone that I was kinda crying…” he confessed, wiping away the last evidence of his tears with the back sleeve of his cub polo. “Do you have a flashlight?”

“Uh-huh.” I confirmed, flicking on my head lamp with one hand and readjusting my ill fitting pajama bottoms with the other. Zach seemed to relax at once, his shoulder ceasing to shake and even managing an uneasy smile. “Are you scared of the dark?” I reasoned, though perhaps phrasing the question a little too bluntly.

Zach narrowed his eyebrows, a mean scowl supplanting his smile. “Do you piss your pants?” he growled, nipping back like a beaten dog. I cringed back, my eyes falling in shame and a puppy-like whimper of contrition escaping my parted lips. I was more worried that I’d hurt Zach’s feelings than hurt by the remark, but Zach’s features softened at my reaction - clearly thinking he’d gone too far. “Aww, jeez.” he apologized, extending a hand to rest gently on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Coop. I didn’t mean it.”

“It’s okay.” I acknowledged. “I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to like…” I trailed off, not wanting to reopen the wound.

To my surprise, Zach leaned down and grabbed tightly onto my hand - pulling my arm sharply forward to clutch me possessively to my side. “Let’s go back to my tent.” he declared, his mood seeming to take another sharp 180 degree turn as he displayed a toothy over enthusiastic grin. “I’ve got candy!”

“Um…sure…” I agreed uneasily, though very aware I was supposed to be back in bed. I fidgeted, struggling to unclasp my fingers from out of his grasp. “But uh, can’t I wash my hands first?”

Zach let go quickly, letting my hand snap away. "Oh, yeah. Good idea." Together we looked in the mirror as we washed our hands. He seemed less tense and upset all of a sudden.

"So, how long have you been hiding out here?" I asked him, trying to break the awkward silence.

Zach snorted "I dunno, since the campfire." He shrugged me off, obviously trying to end my line of questioning. "What time is it now?"

"Like almost nine thirty." I told him, not really sure myself.

He shrugged again and dried his hands. "Then like a bit over an hour." He smiled at me and took my freshly washed hand - holding me as firmly as he might his own little brother. "Do you want some candy or what?"

"Right." I said - and lit the way through the night, back toward the trio of cub tents. Zach gripped my hand tightly and I squeezed his back, though as we stepped back out into the dark it felt more like I was holding his hand than the other way around. "It's not too far." I told him.

"I know t-that." He stammered and gripped tighter. It was starting to get uncomfortable.

"Don't you have a flashlight?" I asked him, trying to change the subject.

"It wasn't dark when I went to the washroom." He told me. "I just stayed too long."

“I guess that makes sense.” I stated, not wanting to pry.

Zach pulled me eagerly towards his darkened tent. He finally let go of my hand, and I shone the light into his tent while he looked around for his flashlight. The other two tents were still lit up: Nate, James and Nick in one and Valentine and Brad in another. I peered into Zach’s tent seeing that only his stuff was there - all strewn about haphazardly. He eventually found a large powerful-looking lantern and turned it on, illuminating the yellow fabric in bright white light. He let out a deep sigh and collapsed onto his sleeping pad.

I kneeled down and scooted my way into the tent, zipping it up behind me before I sat down crossed legged amongst Zach’s things. “You said you had snacks?”

“Yeah!” Zach enthused and reached into one corner of the tent, pulling out a small bag. “Do you like Smarties?”

“Blah! Those taste like chalk!” I blurted out, sticking out my tongue in disgust. I backtracked at the perplexed look on Zach’s face, worried I’d said something wrong. “I mean… they just aren’t my favorite.”

Zach pulled out a cardboard box with colorful dots depicted on it and gave it a little rattle. “It’s just chocolate.” He explained, opening it up and pouring out a few M&M looking candies into his hand. They didn’t look anything like the Smarties I knew. Those were more like hard pressed sugar tablets.

“Oh… I think smarties are something else in America.” I told him, reaching my hands out expectantly to create a tiny bowl. Zach tittered at my eagerness, pouring me a healthy portion. “Are they like M&M’s?” I asked.

“Not really. We have M&Ms too!” He said smugly.This was really the first time I had seen Zach being friendly - or at least treating me like a proper friend instead of an annoying little kid he had to look after. “I know what you’re talking about though. I think we call those Rockets.” He told me, and tossed his chocolates into his mouth. I ate the smarties one at a time. Despite what Zach had said, they tasted only a little different to M&Ms.

“I have this.” I told him, pulling my new Kinder egg I had just got from Taylor out of my pajama pocket. I unwrapped the foil wrapper and carefully separated the egg in half, crushing it a little.

“Taylor gave it to you?” Zach asked. I supposed he’d seen the Kindies earn enough of them to know what they meant.

I nodded and reached into the same pocket, pulling out the freshly earned badge. “He gave me the Friendship badge.” I told him proudly.

“Good job Coop.” Zach congratulated, nibbling on his half of the chocolatey egg that I offered. I felt a little uneasy, worried that Zach might ask me exactly what I’d earned the badge for. I was hardly eager to return to the subject of my pull-ups, or me and Charlie’s misadventure in the woods. He didn’t push the subject however, instead insisting on helping me assemble the simple Kinder Egg toy. It ended up being a small airplane. I giggled happily as he imitated flying it around the tent, sound effects at all, but we soon fell into awkward silence again - left to brood on the respective embarrassing secrets we now shared with one another.

“I should probably go back soon.” I told him as I finished up my treat.

“Ever read X-Men?” Zach asked, ignoring my previous comment and quickly going to dig around in his backpack as I made to leave.

“A few times.” I admitted, sitting back down again. “I don’t really read comics though.”

Zach pulled out a folder with comics carefully stored inside in plastic sleeves. “Did you know Wolverine is a Canadian?” He continued a little excited - fidgeting up and down in the exact same way Laurie does when he gets excited. Zach carefully pulled it out of its plastic cover and slid it over to me, then paused - putting an inquisitive finger to his lip. “You're not too little for this, are you?”

I winced a little at the comment, but he wasn’t taking it away. I quickly flipped open the first page and put a possessive hand atop the action packed first scene, as if to prove I was big enough after all. As I looked back up at Zach however, giving a defiant frown, I realized he was smiling, tittering at the sight of my serious expression. He patted me playfully on the top of my head. “I won’t tell anyone if you don’t.” He winked.

As I flipped through the pages, Zach gushed in great detail everything he knew about each of the characters. I had to admit it was a lot of fun to actually hang out with someone my own age, even if he still thought I was a little kid. When I finally got to the end of the comic, we were both talking just as enthusiastically about all the characters and what happens next.

“I should head back-” I tried to assert in a short silence, but immediately got interrupted again.

Zach had quickly pulled out another thing from his backpack - a puzzle book. “Laurie loves these.” He told me and opened a word search. “Do you like them?” I frowned, not so sure about the childishly decorated little booklet. “Or maybe they’re too hard…” Zach pursued, moving to put it away again.

“They can be fun.” I agreed afterall, grabbing onto the book as he handed me a pencil. I rolled over onto my stomach, Zach pulling out more candy and chocolate for us to enjoy as we worked on a simple wordsearch together. “How much candy did you bring?” I asked, a little taken aback by the quantity of the stuff.

“Enough for two.” He admitted. “Plus a little for Laurie.”

I looked at him and thought for a moment. “Oh!” I realized. “You were supposed to have a tent mate.”

He cringed at my bluntness. “Yeah.” He growled unhappily, then pointed to a word in the puzzle. I circled it, oblivious.

We worked through most of the words and after a while, I started to rub my eyes. “I should really head back now. How long have we been playing?”

Zach shrugged. “It hasn’t been that long.” He said, scoffing - though he was clearly getting a little anxious at the thought of me leaving. “I have more candy and games.”

I shook my head. “I’m actually a little tired.” I admitted. I was pretty sure it was past my actual bed time at that point.

“Okay boys, I think it’s time to call it.” Taylor’s voices sounded suddenly, unzipping the tent. I wondered how long he had been hanging out there. “Cooper, this is the second cub scout tent I’ve had to collect you from tonight.” he scolded.

“Sorry!” I chirped, starting to stand up.

“If you visit Bradley and Val you will have been in all of them!” Taylor joked, clearly not very mad “That’s like a record or something.”

“Brad is my neighbor, actually.” I reported happily, though Taylor hadn’t asked.

The Beaver leader just shook his head. “I was kidding Cooper. It’s time for bed.”

“Cooper can sleep here tonight!” Zach offered nervously and started to clear some space in the tent, quickly jamming things into his backpack.

“Can I!” I asked excitedly, elated by the thought of finally participating in some real scouting.

“Where would Cooper sleep, Zach? He has no pad or sleeping bag or pillow.” Taylor pointed out.

Zach started to fidget nervously. “We could share! You wouldn’t mind? Right, Cooper?”

My cheeks flushed at the idea of sharing a sleeping bag with Zach, but I shook my head. “I don’t mind.” I added. It would be awesome to sleep outside, after all.

Taylor shook his head. “Coop needs to go back inside Zach. You two can play tomorrow.” Taylor reached his hand in and I took it, stepping out of the tent.

“Wait.” Zach pleaded, shaking in fear. “Can’t he stay a little longer?” He stumbled out of the tent holding his lantern, the light flickering from his trembling hands.

Taylor looked at the boy, concerned. He placed his free arm on his shoulder. “Zach, buddy. Everything okay?”

Zach looked away, but tears seemed to escape his eyes all the same - slipping down his cheeks. “I don’t want to sleep by myself.” He whimpered, wiping away the tears as fast as they came.

Taylor looked at the other tents. “Shouldn’t James be with you tonight? I can go get him to come back.” He offered.

Zach shook his head and sniffed. “They don’t like me anymore!” he cried “They said they would rather sleep all together.” Zach started to look very frustrated, almost angry with himself.

“Maybe you can sleep with Valentine and Bradley?” Taylor suggested, looking over at the other tent.

Zach’s face flushed. “Brad doesn’t like me either… Because… He just doesn’t!” He sputtered awkwardly.

“Oh Zach.” Taylor said sympathetically and gave his shoulder a squeeze.

Zach smacked Taylor’s hand away. “It’s fine, just take Cooper and go!” He demanded.

“Why don’t you come with us?” Taylor said softly. “Stay with the colony tonight - inside.”

Zach stood there holding his arm with his bright lantern dangling on one side. His lips were quivering as he tried to force himself to agree, but he stood there frozen in indecision.

Eventually I intervened, taking him by the hand in much the same way he’d grabbed mine back in the bathroom. “It’s okay.” I assured him. “Let’s just go.” The bigger boy shook his head, but let me lead him forward all the same - Taylor following in our footsteps like a watchful shepherd.

Back at the cabin, the beavers’ room was almost completely silent - just the soft kitten-like snores of seven snoozing boys occasionally heard from the disparate bunks. I wiped my mucky feet thoroughly on the scratchy brown doormat as Zach kicked off his shoes, finally unlatching his hand from mine and padding swiftly towards the unoccupied bottom bunk beside his brother. Laurie was fast asleep, the light of the moon spilling through the window and shimmering against his pillow of messy golden hair.

Satisfied my feet were clean enough, I clambered up to my top bunk - nestling up cozy in my blankets before peering over the edge at Zach. He was out like a light, looking just like his brother cocooned in the blankets and surrendered to blissful sleep.