Level One Boy - Chapter 1

“You failed P.E.?” Noah’s step-Dad exclaimed as he looked over the report card, his voice heavy with a scathing mixture of reproach and sincere disappointment. “Buddy….how could you fail P.E.?”

His tone made Noah’s tummy rumble with an uneasy regretful nausea, but he didn’t reply - choosing instead to keep staring stubbornly at his tablet.

“P.E’s easy!” Felix, Noah’s ten-year-old step-brother, interrupted with a snort. “All you do is play whatever game the teacher says. It’s just like recess.” he smirked smugly, looking up at his Dad for approval. “He basically failed recess.”

“I did not fail…” The thirteen-year-old went to spit back at his brother, but the sonorous toll of a bell emanating from his tablet cut him off - announcing that he had died. He let out a high pitched grunt of frustration, stabbing his finger repeatedly onto the touch screen to try to get his character to respawn more quickly.

“You’re such a dork.” Felix accused, watching gloatingly as his supposedly “big” brother sank into the couch behind the tablet again. How could anyone believe he was the older one, when he spent his whole day glued to the tablet screen like some drooling two-year-old?

“Whatever.” Noah groaned back, trying to act like he didn’t care. Felix was the one who’d introduced him to Epic of Embergaze afterall, even if he barely ever played anymore. Of course Noah knew he should probably spend less time on it , but he was so close to leveling up! Just another hour or so, and he was sure he’d get his Halfling Artificer all the way to level 50 - a full 30 levels above Felix’s dumb Elf Ranger.

“Felix, don’t call your brother names.” Dad mediated. Noah usually thought of him as just Dad, even if he was technically his step-Dad. He was the only father he’d ever known after all. He just wished Felix hadn’t come in the package deal. “You’re not helping.”

“I’m not calling him names.” Felix retorted. “It’s just the truth. He must be the littlest, puniest, baby dork in the whole 7th grade if he failed P.E!”

“I said that’s enough, Felix.” Dad told him gruffly, showing him a stern look. “Apologize to your brother.”

Felix stuck out his bottom lip, letting out a dismissive huff. “Sorry…I guess.” he reported in a perfunctory tone, communicating all the sincerity of a skulking black cat. “But you know…P.E’s not that hard.”

Dad seemed to accept the begrudging apology, humming in agreement and starting on some dull lecture about trying harder at school, but Noah couldn’t care less - tapping his way through the dungeon level. He flexed his fingers in frustration, watching with cathartic delight as his halfling jumped into the air and brought down his mighty warhammer to smush each goblin he tapped on into the dirt. His brother’s self-satisfied words were resounding in his head, making him angrier and angrier. Maybe P.E. was easy at Felix’s Elementary School, where everyone was normal sized, but Noah doubted his brother would still be captain of the soccer team if he had to play against a hoard of six-foot stinking middle school giants every week!

Despite the age gap, the two boys were around the same size. In fact, if Noah was honest, he was actually a couple of inches shorter than his younger brother. It just made their relationship all the more contentious. If only Noah were just a foot taller. Or, even better, if only Felix were a foot shorter! Then, whenever he was being a brat, Noah could just thump him square on the top of the head - just like he was thumping the goblins in the game with his hammer.

“Noah? Are you listening to me?” Dad demanded, his frustration rising.

“Whah?” Noah babbled, still staring at the tablet. “Err…yeah.” he lied.

“What did I just say?”

“Hmm?”

“What did I just say, Noah?”

“Oh…errr…I have to get better at P.E?”

Dad sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between two meaty calloused fingers. “Give me the tablet, Noah.”.

Somehow, Noah was actually taken by surprise. “What? But I didn’t even do anything!” he whined, sounding like a little boy a quarter of his age.

“You did, Noah. Give me the tablet.”

The kid held the device with two hands, gripping onto it like a squirrel with a nut. “No!” he shouted defiantly.

Dad stepped forward, grabbing the top.  “Let go, Noah.” He instructed much more severely, his fingers on the tablet interacting with the touch screen and making Noah’s halfling run straight forward directly into a pit of spikes.

The sonorous bell toll made Noah’s face scrunch up like a prune and go as red as a tomato - incandescent with rage. “You ruined it!” he screeched. “Let goooo!”

“No, Noah.” Dad scolded in a measured tone, yanking the tablet firmly towards him. “You need to calm down.”

“No!” Noah defied him. “No, no noooo!” he screeched, working himself up into a truly hysterical furor. Fighting like a rabid animal, he pulled with all his might and, to his great surprise, actually managed to break the device free from his step-Dad’s grip. He scrambled away across the couch, hiding in the corner, but of course Dad was soon bearing down on him again.

“Last chance, Noah.” Dad warned. “Give me the tablet.”

“NO!” The boy screamed with all his voice, his rage finally reaching the peak of its crescendo. Furious beyond any kind of reason, he refused to surrender the tablet, instead holding it high above his head the same way his halfling holds his hammer and flinging it tomahawk style across the room.

 It hit the wall, flopping onto the hardwood floor with a cringe-inducing CRACK. 

“Jeez…” Felix remarked wide-eyed, looking across at the snotty-faced teary-eyed big brother with a mix of nose-wrinkled disdain and smirking-mouthed superiority. “Talk about a toddler tantrum.”

Dad, of course, was furious. His expression was contorted into a truly terrifying steely frown - huffing and grunting and clenching his fists like a bull kicking at the ground, ready to charge. Noah’s pointless toddler-esque hissy fit instantly dissolved, replaced instead with an equally infantile quivering bleary-eyed fear.

“I’m sorry!” Noah pleaded, his voice  “I didn’t mean to! I’m sorry!”

“Noah…” Dad sighed, his tensed-up shoulders relaxing and his furious reaction slowly dissipating and moderating into raw frustrated disappointment. Somehow, that was even worse. He shook his head decisively, seeming to have come to an important conclusion. That’s it.” he announced, clapping his hands. “We’re starting from scratch.”

Noah sniffed, confused. He’d been expecting a punishment, or at least for Dad to shout or send him to his room, but this was something else entirely. “Wha…what do you mean?” he asked.

“We’re starting from scratch.” Dad repeated opaquely, sitting down next to Noah and putting a tender hand on his shoulder. “Clearly we didn’t do a great job the first time.” he began to explain. “I mean, you’re thirteen now. But you don’t act anything like a boy your age should.”

The boy shifted away, wiping his face with the sleeve of his hoodie . “Yeah I do…” he protested in a weak voice. “I just got angry…I didn’t mean to!”

Dad shook his head. “It’s more than that. You don’t go out and see friends, you’re not in any clubs, you don’t play any sports…” he paused, knowing that what he was saying was quite hurtful, but nevertheless feeling that it had to be said - and pressing on. “All you do is sit around the house staring at screens. Honestly Noah, sometimes the only time I can tell you’re still alive is when you throw a hissy fit!”

Noah sniffed, bringing up the long sleeve of his hoodie again and hiding his eyes for a moment. Why was Dad being so mean? He just lost his temper. He couldn’t help it. He slid away from his touch, getting silently to his feet and plodding over to the corner where the tablet had landed. It was completely wrecked - hundreds of tiny white lines evidencing the smashed glass screen. He picked it up and pressed the on button, trying to revive it, but the screen remained black.

“It’s broken.” he reported, his thin little voice cracking in despair as he let the tablet slip from his hands again and fall back onto the floor with a thud.

Felix tutted condescendingly. “Of course it is.” he lectured. “You threw it across the room.”

Noah stared at his brother hatefully, wishing he’d just shut up. He knew he was right, but that just made the feeling worse.

“It’s alright, Noah.” Dad said in a gentle voice. “You don’t have to worry about that. We’re starting from scratch, remember?”

The boy frowned deeply, still confused. “What does that even mean?” he sulked, crossing his arms across his chest.

“I’ll teach you how to be a proper boy.” Dad smiled back broadly, coming over and putting a fatherly hand on his shoulder. “A big boy.”

“Instead of a little cry baby dork.” Felix interjected. Dad ignored him.

Noah felt his face get hot - flushing warm with shame. He wanted to say that he was already a “proper” boy, but Dad seemed so enthusiastic about the idea - and where Noah had thought he was being mean before, it now seemed like he genuinely wanted to help. Besides, it seemed like he was letting him off for smashing the tablet. So Noah stayed silent, just staring down at his feet.

“We can start with those clothes.” Dad began, gesturing disapprovingly at Noah’s faded grey Epic of Embergaze hoodie and his green cotton shorts patchworked with all sorts of mysterious marks and stains.

“What’s wrong with my clothes?” Noah, a little offended.

“They’re filthy!” Dad pointed out the obvious. “A boy your age should dress sharp.” he quipped, as if it were some ancient aphorism and not something he’d just made up. “Besides, you’re getting to the sort of age now where girls might start to pay attention.”  .

“I dunno Dad.” Felix interjected with a giggle. “Most girls don’t want a boyfriend who still needs them to wipe his butt!”

“Shuddup.” Noah growled. “I can too wipe my own butt.”

“You can’t lie.” Felix shrugged. “I’ve seen your skidmarks.”

Noah blinked stupidly, struggling to come up with any kind of retort. “Shudupp…” he eventually muttered again, wishing he hadn’t said anything in the first place.

“Boys, leave off.” Dad sighed, as if they were both equally at fault. He leaned down to Noah’s level, tutting in disapproval as he inspected the fabric of his hoodie. “Noah, this thing stinks.” he scolded. “And your shorts are covered in ketchup stains. Why did you wear them?”

“Well…everything else was dirty too…” he admitted.

“You could have done a load.”

Noah blushed, very ashamed. “Usually Mom does my washing.”

Felix snorted in amusement. Mom had been away on a business trip for the last two weeks. She wouldn’t be back for another two weeks, either. Noah, it seemed, was entirely incapable without her.  Dad tutted, grabbing onto the boy's arms and pulling  them up into the air as if he were no more than a ragdoll, starting to strip off his hoodie.

“I can do that myself.” Noah complained impotently, but didn’t resist - letting Dad pull the material up over his head to reveal his smooth bare hairless chest. He hadn’t bothered to put on a t-shirt.

“Hush.” Dad told him, balling up the stinking hoodie. “I’ll put a load into the wash. In the meantime, you can borrow something from Felix.”

“What?” the younger boy protested. “No way! I don’t want his baby-stink on all my clothes.”

Noah was just as opposed to the idea. The way he saw it, Felix still dressed like a little kid - all bright colors and stripes. His little brother’s childish wardrobe was just about the only edge that Noah had in the maturity department. He’d rather wear nothing at all than be caught dead in some of Felix’s outfits. “I’ll just wear my underwear.” he declared.

“Fine.”

Before Dad could try and “help” again, Noah dropped his shorts to his ankles to reveal his lime green Epic of Embergaze boxers. He wasn’t in the least bit embarrassed. Felix and his step-Dad had seen it all before after all. And he wasn’t planning on going out.

“Is that…?” Dad asked, letting out a sigh of amazement as he leant down to see that there was indeed, somehow, a bright orange splotchy stain on the crotch of Noah’s boxers. “How on earth did you get a stain like that on your undies?”

“I dunno…” Noah shrugged. “It might have been pizza?”

“And all your other undies are in the hamper too, I suppose?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Well then you’ll have to borrow something from Felix after all.” Dad instructed, abruptly turning on his heels and heading for the laundry room.

Both boys knew there was no point in arguing, promptly scrambling up the stairs towards their shared bedroom. Knowing his own dresser was empty, Noah stood awkwardly behind Felix, watching him sort methodically through his underwear drawer.

“Here ya go.” his younger brother teased, using the elastic waistband like a slingshot to fling the chosen pair directly into Noah’s face.

The older boy let out a squeak of surprise, peeling them off his forehead and examining them with a snotty sneer. They were briefs - mostly cream white, but with a thick pale yellow elastic waistband and piping in the same color that circled around the leg holes and continued up the front to form a little faux fly that didn’t actually open. The theming on the back was even more humiliating -  an excitable bright green image of Yoshi from the Mario games smiling goofily in the center with a radiating baby blue pattern behind him; stars, coins and question boxes dotted haphazardly around the rest of the space.

“I’m not wearing these.” Noah objected haughtily. He wrinkled his nose. They really were shockingly infantile. “Why do you even have them?”

“Christmas like five years ago.” Felix shrugged. “Grandma, probably.”

“I haven’t worn briefs since I was four…”

Felix laughed. “Then they’re perfect, since you’re basically a toddler now.”

Noah wanted to smack him, but he knew he’d just get in more trouble. “Shuddup.” he repeated instead, his treble voice weak and whingy. “That’s not true.”

“Yeah it is.” Felix rebutted. “You don’t know how to do anything. You can’t ride a bike, you can’t swim, you probably can’t even catch a ball. Dad thinks you’re a total baby.”

“He does not.” Noah harrumphed, though denying it only seemed to make him feel even more upset. “You’re a liar.” he accused in a mumble, rubbing his red eyes and sniffing sadly.

“Are you about to cry?” Felix snorted in amusement, grabbing his brother’s bare arm and trying to pull it away to get a look.

“No!” Noah yelped, trying to summon a defiant look. There might have been a little moisture clouding up his eyes, but he wasn’t crying - yet.

“Whatever.” Felix dismissed. He snatched the underwear from Noah’s loose grip, shaking them annoyingly in front of his face. “Just put on your baby dork briefs.”

“I don’t wanna.”

“Well you have to wear something.” Felix grinned like a hyena, darting forward and grabbing hold of Noah’s Embergaze boxers to pull them quickly down to his ankles. Noah let out a mortified yowl, quickly putting a hand in front of his crotch to cover himself and trying to reach down with his other to pull up the boxers again - but Felix had put a foot down on the fabric, pinning them to the floor.

“Move!” Noah demanded in a squeaky whine, trying to push his brother away with one hand while he kept himself covered with the other, but it was an impossible task.

“Just put on your baby briefs.” Felix taunted, still holding them within easy reach right in front of Noah’s face.

“No!”

Felix giggled to himself. “You know, if you’re trying to prove you’re a big boy, streaking probably won’t help.”

“I’m telling Dad!”

“Like that?”

Noah made one final attempt to push his brother away, but he was like an immovable rock. How was this so hard? Soccer didn’t make you that strong, did it? Giving up, Noah grunted in humiliation, grabbing the Yoshi briefs from Felix’s loose grip and hopping out of the boxers still pinned to the floor - putting on the babyish underwear as fast as he could.

Felix grinned at the sight. “There.” he teased. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Noah just growled. “Can I at least get some shorts?” he asked, pointing to a pair of gym shorts folded up neatly in the draw.

Felix shook his head. “Those are my soccer shorts. I’m not going to soccer practice smelling of baby dork.” He strode confidently across the room, collapsing back casually on his bed. “You should be grateful I’m letting you stink up those.”

The older boy wasn’t in the mood to argue. Letting out a final dismissive huff, he turned on his bare heels and marched from the room. He tried his best to look unbothered and dignified, but the effect was somewhat diminished by the picture of Yoshi hugging his butt. It was only when he’d got all the way downstairs and saw the smashed up tablet that he remembered he couldn’t play Embergaze any more. Frustrated, he flopped down on the couch, burying his face in the cushions and leaving Yoshi on full display.

“Hey buddy.” Dad greeted him after a few moments, returning from the laundry room. He sat down next to him on the couch, pulling him gently up into a seated position against his side and putting a strong arm around his tummy so he could get a look at his sulking red face. “Is someone being a grumpy monkey?” he teased.

Noah considered telling Dad about what Felix had said, but decided against it. It wasn’t like he’d do anything about it. Instead, he just wiggled out from under his step-Dad’s grip, crossing his arms over his stomach and pouting in displeasure. “I’m bored.” he complained “There’s nothing to do.”

“Well, I was going to take care of some yard work today.” Dad pointed out. “Maybe you could help with that?”

Noah bit his lip. “Like mowing the lawn?” he asked. He wasn’t exactly thrilled with the idea of doing chores, but he actually felt pretty bad about what he’d done to the tablet - and it felt extra weird that Dad hadn’t really punished him. It wouldn’t kill him to help out around the house a little.  At the very least it might take his mind off Felix.

“That might be a little too advanced for you.” Dad dismissed the idea out of hand. “But maybe you could water the plants,” he proposed. “Or you could just keep me company while I do the weeds. I think I have that old toy trowel and fork set that Felix used to like somewhere in the garage. Maybe you could play with those?

Noah showed his step-Dad a bitter dead-eyed stare. “Forget it.” he spat.

Just at that moment, Felix came bouncing down the stairs - smirking afresh at the sight of Noah in his undies before showing his Dad a big enthusiastic smile. “Hey, Dad - weren’t we gonna work on the car today?” he asked.

“I suppose we could take care of a few things.” Dad agreed, getting to his feet.

Felix grinned even wider. “All right!”

“The car…?” Noah asked, a little lost.

Felix rolled his eyes. “Dad’s Mustang. We’ve been fixing it up for ages!”

“Oh…right.” Noah nodded, though he was still confused. He vaguely remembered that Dad had bought some cool old car a couple of months ago - though he never seemed to drive it. “It’s broken?”

“It’s always been broken, dumb-dumb.” Felix said with a sneer. “The whole point is we’re restoring it.”

“Why don’t you come and help us, Noah?” Dad suggested, headed to the door in the corner that led to the garage. “I can show you how it works.”

Felix’s face fell. “Dad, does he have to? He doesn’t know anything about cars!”

“Well maybe he can learn.” Dad retorted. “A boy should know these sorts of things.”

That seemed to shut Felix up, and Noah followed the two of them curiously into the garage - still in nothing but his bare feet and his Yoshi briefs. He told himself it was just because there was nothing better to do, but he also kind of wanted to prove Felix wrong - to show his Dad he could be just as good at all this ‘boy stuff’ as his brother was.

The Mustang was a suave burgundy red, its glossy coat glistening even under the dim yellow lights of the garage. “Wow.” Noah exclaimed, putting a curious hand against the polished silver door handle.

“Don’t touch it!” Felix growled, sounding genuinely angry. He jumped forward, hooking a hand onto the back waistband of Noah’s underpants and pulling him aggressively backwards.

“Hey!” Noah protested as he stumbled back towards the door -  the grip on his pants causing a mildly painful wedgie. “That hurts!”

“You’re gonna mess it up.” Felix scolded.

Dad just chuckled, opening the door to the front seat of the car himself. “It’s the door handle, Felix. It’s meant to be touched.” He pressed a large red button on the wall, before sitting in the front seat and starting up the engine.

Suddenly, the garage door started to open up to reveal the drive way and the open street beyond - the piercing midday sun bursting into the dingy garage space. Noah was taken off guard, horribly aware that he was wearing nothing but a pair of impossibly infantile Yoshi briefs. He wanted desperately to dart back into the living room, but Felix still held him firm by the seat of his pants, leaving him powerless to do anything but squirm and fidget helplessly as he watched Dad trundle the Mustang slowly out onto the driveway.

“Let go!” he squealed to his brother, but this only alerted Felix to his heightened humiliation, the younger boy’s angry frown turning on a dime into a delighted smirk. The path now clear, he didn’t let go, but instead began to frogmarch Noah steadily forward out onto the driveway - the waistband of his underpants held up high like a pistol held to a hostage’s head. When they were fully outside, he finally let go, the elastic pinging painfully onto the small of Noah’s back. “Owww!”

Dad slid out of the driver’s seat, oblivious to Felix’s shenanigans. He chuckled at Noah’s somber frown, ruffling his hair. “It’s just a little sun, buddy.” he joked. “You’re not gonna burst into flames.”

Noah crossed his legs self-consciously, scanning the street desperately for any passing strangers - but no one was about. “I wanna go back inside.” he moaned pathetically, tip-toeing on bare feet across the hot tarmac to hide bashfully in front of his step-Dad.

“You only just came out!” Dad laughed, putting a strong arm around his shoulders to leave him imprisoned on the spot, desperately trying to hide as much of him as possible as he clung shyly at his step-Dad’s waist. Unfortunately however, Dad seemed to mistake his humiliation for affection. “Up you come, buddy!” he said cheerily, scooping Noah up and sitting him on his hip. Really, Noah was too big for such a maneuver - but Dad was pretty big, and Noah wasn’t strong enough to resist.

The boy was so embarrassed he thought he might pass out. “Daaad!” he whined, whacking at his big meaty shoulder as he wiggled his butt trying to get free.

Dad ignored Noah’s whining, preoccupied with other things. He instead turned to his younger son. “Felix, bud. Can you go find me a torque wrench?”

The younger boy was a little annoyed by the request, much too delighted by the sight of his undies-clad older brother being held with his legs wrapped around Dad’s torso like an overgrown toddler, but he nevertheless obeyed at once. “Sure, Dad.” he answered and scampered back to the garage, resolving to fetch it as quickly as possible.

“Dad.” Noah repeated, so upset he was almost crying. “Put me down. Pleeease.” 

“Alright, calm down buddy.” Dad agreed, quickly popping the hood before he finally put Noah down in front of him looking over the mechanics inside the car. Still, he was sure to keep him on a short leash, instead keeping him in place with two hands on either of his bare shoulders. Noah took a few stabilizing breaths, all his other anxieties about the underwear and being outside seeming to fade into the background after the humiliating incident. “All better now?” Dad asked kindly.

“Yeah…” Noah nodded, pointing a stubby finger at the insides of the car. “What’s wrong with it?” he asked, trying to change the topic. “Can I help?”

Dad chuckled. “Well it’s quite simple really. The main problem is with the timing belt…” He went on talking for a little while, but Noah couldn’t make any sense of it. He tried to pay attention, but it was impossible. Why did there have to be so many weird words for everything? When Dad mentioned a “camshaft” and a “crankshaft”, he was almost certain he was just making fun of him. After what seemed like an eternity of nonsense, Dad finally shut up. “Got it?” he asked.

“Umm…yeah.” Noah lied, craning back his neck to look up at his step-Dad. “You um, need a new cramshank?” he gambled, hoping he’d got the right word.

Dad’s face fell, but he instantly summoned a more positive expression, patting Noah on the shoulders. “It’s okay.” he assured, turning the boy around on his heels and pointing at the curb between the driveway and the front yard. “I’ve got a better idea.” he declared. “Why don’t you go and wait on the curb there and I’ll get you a special something from the garage.”

Noah blushed, embarrassed that he’d got it wrong. He didn’t move from his spot, still very aware of his outfit - or lack thereof. “Um…Dad, maybe if you just explained it one more-”

“It’s okay.” Dad cut him off, patting Noah gently on the back of his Yoshi briefs and starting to walk him authoritatively over to the curb. “Just wait there.” he instructed, pushing the boy down into a seated position. “I’ll be right back.”

The boy groaned, watching his step-Dad walk back to the garage. He turned to look nervously out towards the street, bringing his knees protectively up to his chest. He couldn’t help but catastrophize about what might happen if someone from school happened to come past and see him. What would they say? More importantly, what would they do when spring break ended and school started up again? He shook his head from side to side, trying to dismiss the bad thoughts. It was best not to dwell on stuff like that.

“Poor little baby dork, sitting all alone.” Felix’s voice teased, his younger brother coming up and standing smugly in front of him on the driveway - his arms folded with the torque wrench held out in one hand. “What ya thinking about?” he demanded, extending his arm to poke the metal tool annoyingly into Noah’s bare chest.

“Nothing.” Noah growled, scooting back onto the grass to escape his brother. “Leave me alone.”

“You maybe thinking about that girl you like across the street?” he teased “Worried she’s gonna see you in your cute little baby dork diaper?”

“I’m not wearing a diaper!” Noah growled back.

Felix shrugged. “It’s close enough.” he decided. “Maybe we should take off your diaper, and you can go running through the sprinklers in just your birthday suit.”

The absurd insult was too much for Noah. He was one second from jumping to his feet and whacking Felix around the face just like his level 50 halfling would have done when Dad came around the corner - his return accompanied by the sound of trundling little wheels.

Noah’s eyes widened in horror to see he was rolling a bright red and yellow cozy coupe  in front of him - the exact same kind a toddler might roll around on driveways.

“I’m not getting in that!” he blurted out at once, jumping angrily to his feet.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Dad answered calmly. “You can just play mechanic.” He brought the cozy coupe to a stop directly in front of Noah, coming around and producing a miniature sized tool belt complete with all sorts of bright yellow and gray plastic toy tools - including a hammer, a saw, a wrench, and a pair of pliers.

“What?” Noah squeaked, his indignant protest supplanted again by frustrated impotent confusion.

“You can pretend you're fixing your car.” Dad explained, leaning down and starting to secure the tool belt around Noah’s babyish underpants. “Just like your Daddy and your big brother working on the real car.”

“No…” Noah muttered, too baffled by his step-Dad’s strange words to even think of wiggling away as he helped him put on the infantile pretend accessory. He stared hatefully at Felix, standing smugly again with the real torque wrench stowed over his shoulder like some kind of strange mace. “He’s not my big brother.” he denied. “I’m older!”

“Maybe technically.” Dad agreed, strapping the plastic clip over Noah’s waist “But maybe you could think of it like that video game you boys liked to play.”

Noah narrowed his eyebrows suspiciously. “Epic of Embergaze?”

“That’s right.” Dad nodded. “Felix was playing that game way before you were, but he’s only what - level six, seven?”

“Level 20.” Felix interjected helpfully.

“Right.” Dad nodded, putting a gentle hand on Noah’s shoulder and trying to defuse his pouty frown with a calm serene smile. “And you’ve only been playing it for a couple of weeks, but you’re already at a much higher level, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” Noah agreed, baring his teeth aggressively. Where was Dad going with this? “So what?”

“Well it’s just like that.” Dad concluded. “Felix might be a bit younger, but he’s just that bit more advanced than you. Maybe he’s a Level 20 or so, and you’re still more like a Level One Boy - just getting started.”

Noah hissed in frustration, wiggling back a few paces onto the front lawn and grabbing the plastic hammer from out of the toy tool belt now strapped around his waist. “That’s so dumb!” he declared, holding the hammer up high and imagining he was his halfling - ready to smite any stupid goblins that dared to challenge him. He aimed it squarely at Felix’s forehead, still standing smugly with his torque wrench. He brought back his arm and let fly - but the hollow plastic meant he completely misjudged the weight. He missed by a mile, the toy clattering down uselessly onto the tarmac.

Dad just tutted. He came up, hoisted Noah up under his armpits, and plopped him down again on the driveway in front of the cozy coupe - paying no attention to his defeated puppy-like howls. “Just play with your toys, okay buddy?” he told him authoritatively “Who knows?” he joked “Maybe you’ll level up.”